Well today my ticket was officially booked. No backing out now.
I have to fly out of Edmonton at 6am on the Saturday, so now I have to leave a day earlier than originally planned. I will be gone from Friday afternoon until Tuesday afternoon. That's 4 nights away from Hudson... Kills me.
4 days. Will I survive?
Will they?
I don't think I'd be freaking out over the situation of I wasn't miles and hours away. Guess I should've read the fine print before I agreed, but then when your boss and the rep are sitting in the chairs directly in front of my desk in my office... you don't have any other choice. Also, it's such a wicked opportunity. I look forward to the great sleep I hope to have, and the shopping I hope to do.
But this morning Hudson's Dad got him dressed and I had to take a double look while he was sitting in is high chair. I asked if he put his shoes on himself because they were on the wrong feet! I did laugh it off, but in the back of my mind I can't help but turn myself inside out!
Is this normal to worry like I am?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Mini Holiday
I found out today that I am invited to go on an all expense paid trip for work. I was very nervous in the beginning, and now I am quite excited!
I am off to the beautiful Quebec City! I am off to a tour of the mill where a product is made that we sell. I leave on May 29th (Saturday) and I return home on June 1st early morning. The tour of the mill is Monday... and Sunday is a free day to tour as we wish. I look forward to it, and I heard the shopping is amazing there and quite cheap.
I am not going to lie that my heart sank at the thought of being away from Hudson for 3 days, as he has never been apart from me not even one night. Should be an adventure, but I cannot pass up the opportunity. I will not over think it and it will be a great experience. Not to mention the idea of a couple night's sleep--- uninterrupted!
Here's where I get to stay while I am being 'holed up' away from the family:
http://www.fairmont.com/frontenec/
I am off to the beautiful Quebec City! I am off to a tour of the mill where a product is made that we sell. I leave on May 29th (Saturday) and I return home on June 1st early morning. The tour of the mill is Monday... and Sunday is a free day to tour as we wish. I look forward to it, and I heard the shopping is amazing there and quite cheap.
I am not going to lie that my heart sank at the thought of being away from Hudson for 3 days, as he has never been apart from me not even one night. Should be an adventure, but I cannot pass up the opportunity. I will not over think it and it will be a great experience. Not to mention the idea of a couple night's sleep--- uninterrupted!
Here's where I get to stay while I am being 'holed up' away from the family:
http://www.fairmont.com/frontenec/
Monday, April 12, 2010
One is Enough
Talk about an eye opener! Looking back on my pity party/confusion that I thought I had in the last post, I was given a nice dose of reality today. I should be thankful for what I have and not fret about feeble shit.
Why?
A young woman came in to my work today. She was comfortably dressed, showing off her baby bump. I love to make small talk about how far along mothers to be are and usually inquire about the gender, and today was no exception. She replied that they were due in October, but would have them in August. I said 'Wow, that's early?... Twins?'
Nope, TRIPLETS. Three identical babies.
Naturally.
My life is rolling along just fine with my solo kidlet. After she gave me the run down on all the emails she has sent out to formula companies, diaper companies and services as well as the City for donations, and the worry of how she only has 2 boobs for 3 babies and how to tell them apart... ugh.
Nuff said.
Why?
A young woman came in to my work today. She was comfortably dressed, showing off her baby bump. I love to make small talk about how far along mothers to be are and usually inquire about the gender, and today was no exception. She replied that they were due in October, but would have them in August. I said 'Wow, that's early?... Twins?'
Nope, TRIPLETS. Three identical babies.
Naturally.
My life is rolling along just fine with my solo kidlet. After she gave me the run down on all the emails she has sent out to formula companies, diaper companies and services as well as the City for donations, and the worry of how she only has 2 boobs for 3 babies and how to tell them apart... ugh.
Nuff said.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Mixed Emotions
As you can tell by reading my last post, life is busy. Very busy actually, like most Mom friends these days and I am sure that you can relate. Working full time, dropping the little man to and from day care, laundry, groceries, housework, walking the dog, nails, and finally squeezing much needed time in for the husband is all more than I can handle most days. I do my best, and try to juggle enough to find somewhat of a balance to it all.
Andy and I have been going back and forth with this argument. Well maybe argument is not the best choice for the word, but we are just not seeing eye to eye on this situation.
Hudson, as you know was a perfect result from our struggle with infertility and finally the journey with IVF. I do not take him for granted for one second, and I am so very grateful that after our 7 year struggle that he has been blessed to come into our lives. I absolutely love being his Mom. He is also at a very fun age right now, and I love that I have regained some of my independence. He can come along with me wherever and I do not worry about feeding times and the massive diaper bag. Sitters are more readily available for one (*Ahem*, we won't go there). He is adjusted to day care very well, therefor I am settled into a work routine at a great job that I love.
So back to the argument-- Andy is riding me hard in terms of going back to the fertility clinic and doing another round. Next time would be a frozen transfer, so I guess in some aspects I suppose it may be easier, but....
Seeing his side of the story, he says that Hudson needs a buddy. Andy was the result of an unplanned pregnancy later in life which seemed pretty much as an only child because of this. He said that it was very lonely, and will not have it that way for his son. I completely agree. I do not know what I would do without my siblings, especially my Sister whom I am very close with.
My side of the story only sees the negative, if that's how to look at it. I do not see the reasoning behind it, Hudson does not know any different. Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely love to have another chance at possibly having a little version of Hudson. But for now, I am consumed by the financial aspect. Ignorant of me, maybe. I know that working with 2 kids in daycare would not be feasible. I would never afford it, surviving on one income would be out of the question. I worry about bills as it is before they even arrive, and that would be too much pressure on Andy. I also see that I am approaching 35 this year, and if I wait for a 'right time' later I am just going to be too old-- even if I feel 20. I like to work and have my own money, whether it be to help out the bank account or to buy things and not have to hold my hand out. I also recall how I gained a retarded amount of weight while pregnant and the swelling that I had is very vivid in my mind.
My damned stubbornness and independence would love to have the best of both worlds; allowing balance both professionally as well with love and family... makes me overthink. I should just let life happen, and go with the flow so that things fall into place but I can't.
Am I just making excuses? For what? Does anyone else worry about the dumb shit like I do? Should I just be happy for what I have? Should I just say fuck it and do it, letting my husband deal with the aftermath and step it up in the financial department? Do I give it time and ride it out?
It's tough. I really want to make sure everyone is happy. Firstly myself, but then what? And for how long?
Andy and I have been going back and forth with this argument. Well maybe argument is not the best choice for the word, but we are just not seeing eye to eye on this situation.
Hudson, as you know was a perfect result from our struggle with infertility and finally the journey with IVF. I do not take him for granted for one second, and I am so very grateful that after our 7 year struggle that he has been blessed to come into our lives. I absolutely love being his Mom. He is also at a very fun age right now, and I love that I have regained some of my independence. He can come along with me wherever and I do not worry about feeding times and the massive diaper bag. Sitters are more readily available for one (*Ahem*, we won't go there). He is adjusted to day care very well, therefor I am settled into a work routine at a great job that I love.
So back to the argument-- Andy is riding me hard in terms of going back to the fertility clinic and doing another round. Next time would be a frozen transfer, so I guess in some aspects I suppose it may be easier, but....
Seeing his side of the story, he says that Hudson needs a buddy. Andy was the result of an unplanned pregnancy later in life which seemed pretty much as an only child because of this. He said that it was very lonely, and will not have it that way for his son. I completely agree. I do not know what I would do without my siblings, especially my Sister whom I am very close with.
My side of the story only sees the negative, if that's how to look at it. I do not see the reasoning behind it, Hudson does not know any different. Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely love to have another chance at possibly having a little version of Hudson. But for now, I am consumed by the financial aspect. Ignorant of me, maybe. I know that working with 2 kids in daycare would not be feasible. I would never afford it, surviving on one income would be out of the question. I worry about bills as it is before they even arrive, and that would be too much pressure on Andy. I also see that I am approaching 35 this year, and if I wait for a 'right time' later I am just going to be too old-- even if I feel 20. I like to work and have my own money, whether it be to help out the bank account or to buy things and not have to hold my hand out. I also recall how I gained a retarded amount of weight while pregnant and the swelling that I had is very vivid in my mind.
My damned stubbornness and independence would love to have the best of both worlds; allowing balance both professionally as well with love and family... makes me overthink. I should just let life happen, and go with the flow so that things fall into place but I can't.
Am I just making excuses? For what? Does anyone else worry about the dumb shit like I do? Should I just be happy for what I have? Should I just say fuck it and do it, letting my husband deal with the aftermath and step it up in the financial department? Do I give it time and ride it out?
It's tough. I really want to make sure everyone is happy. Firstly myself, but then what? And for how long?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Dear Andy #2
Dear Husband:
Maybe you could help me clarify whether my issues are OCD related like you speak of, or I'm simply the nagging bitch you portray me to be (in simpler terms).
I am getting so very sick and tired of picking up after you all of the time. I can literally take one walk through the house and tell you exactly what you did where. I let the crumbs and juice splatters slide, but c'mon... help a girl out!
The toilet seats are left up, which never used to be an issue before at all. Now I am super anal about it because it's a safe haven for balls and anything else that'll float.
The laundry doesn't usually have same day service either these days. Quite often I will leave the laundry clean and folded, but after building a mountain I have to designate a time to put it away. I absolutely hate it when you casually drape your gently-worn-all-day jeans over the clean laundry rather than putting them in the dirty basket beside it. Oh hell, leave them on the floor beside the basket, or on the chair that lives in the corner of the bedroom. Same goes for your bath towel.
The dishwasher washes the dishes for you, all you have to do is put the dirty ones INSIDE of it and I will ensure that happens for you. I will even make sure that they are put away when they are clean.
Beer caps belong in the garbage, and recyclables under the sink. Again, easy peasy.
When I come home from work, I love to use my key to open the door. Leaving the front door and/or patio doors unlocked does not welcome me home. I figure I must need to brighten up the nice "LOCK THE DOOR" sign that is just above the door handle. It worked for a bit. Maybe it's an old farm habit... please make an effort to lock it in the city.
And finally yesterday, when you got home from your 4 days of 'work' (He was paid by his boss to drive the bus for 4 days to Brooks for the senior hockey team to play provincials to win 2nd place)... emptying your suitcase into the laundry basket without sorting clean from dirty does not sit well with the Warden. Doing so can be done while reminiscing about your man/work weekend and hanging out with buddies that are on the team.
Last night would have been a fabulous night to watch a movie, but instead I would rather have some sleep. Holding up the fort and running after our 15 month son all weekend on a solo effort is exhausting enough, let alone working all day today and then making supper when I got home. You were more more up for a movie than I, after all you did sleep from 10am-6pm in the day. When I shot the idea down I soon looked over to find you back to sleep for the night at 10pm, and then sleeping until 7:30 this morning made me insanely bitter and jealous. Would've been nice for you to get up with Hudson at 1:30, or at 3am when he was wide awake would've been great too. I'm not picky!
Ensuring that the dog's feet are dry before the muddy footprints are stamped all over the kitchen would be nice. He listens to you the best, so him getting under the habit would be easiest under your command. Wicked.
Any help would be appreciated, I don't expect miracles. Just a conscious effort, please.
Thanks, love! xo
Maybe you could help me clarify whether my issues are OCD related like you speak of, or I'm simply the nagging bitch you portray me to be (in simpler terms).
I am getting so very sick and tired of picking up after you all of the time. I can literally take one walk through the house and tell you exactly what you did where. I let the crumbs and juice splatters slide, but c'mon... help a girl out!
The toilet seats are left up, which never used to be an issue before at all. Now I am super anal about it because it's a safe haven for balls and anything else that'll float.
The laundry doesn't usually have same day service either these days. Quite often I will leave the laundry clean and folded, but after building a mountain I have to designate a time to put it away. I absolutely hate it when you casually drape your gently-worn-all-day jeans over the clean laundry rather than putting them in the dirty basket beside it. Oh hell, leave them on the floor beside the basket, or on the chair that lives in the corner of the bedroom. Same goes for your bath towel.
The dishwasher washes the dishes for you, all you have to do is put the dirty ones INSIDE of it and I will ensure that happens for you. I will even make sure that they are put away when they are clean.
Beer caps belong in the garbage, and recyclables under the sink. Again, easy peasy.
When I come home from work, I love to use my key to open the door. Leaving the front door and/or patio doors unlocked does not welcome me home. I figure I must need to brighten up the nice "LOCK THE DOOR" sign that is just above the door handle. It worked for a bit. Maybe it's an old farm habit... please make an effort to lock it in the city.
And finally yesterday, when you got home from your 4 days of 'work' (He was paid by his boss to drive the bus for 4 days to Brooks for the senior hockey team to play provincials to win 2nd place)... emptying your suitcase into the laundry basket without sorting clean from dirty does not sit well with the Warden. Doing so can be done while reminiscing about your man/work weekend and hanging out with buddies that are on the team.
Last night would have been a fabulous night to watch a movie, but instead I would rather have some sleep. Holding up the fort and running after our 15 month son all weekend on a solo effort is exhausting enough, let alone working all day today and then making supper when I got home. You were more more up for a movie than I, after all you did sleep from 10am-6pm in the day. When I shot the idea down I soon looked over to find you back to sleep for the night at 10pm, and then sleeping until 7:30 this morning made me insanely bitter and jealous. Would've been nice for you to get up with Hudson at 1:30, or at 3am when he was wide awake would've been great too. I'm not picky!
Ensuring that the dog's feet are dry before the muddy footprints are stamped all over the kitchen would be nice. He listens to you the best, so him getting under the habit would be easiest under your command. Wicked.
Any help would be appreciated, I don't expect miracles. Just a conscious effort, please.
Thanks, love! xo
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