As you can tell by reading my last post, life is busy. Very busy actually, like most Mom friends these days and I am sure that you can relate. Working full time, dropping the little man to and from day care, laundry, groceries, housework, walking the dog, nails, and finally squeezing much needed time in for the husband is all more than I can handle most days. I do my best, and try to juggle enough to find somewhat of a balance to it all.
Andy and I have been going back and forth with this argument. Well maybe argument is not the best choice for the word, but we are just not seeing eye to eye on this situation.
Hudson, as you know was a perfect result from our struggle with infertility and finally the journey with IVF. I do not take him for granted for one second, and I am so very grateful that after our 7 year struggle that he has been blessed to come into our lives. I absolutely love being his Mom. He is also at a very fun age right now, and I love that I have regained some of my independence. He can come along with me wherever and I do not worry about feeding times and the massive diaper bag. Sitters are more readily available for one (*Ahem*, we won't go there). He is adjusted to day care very well, therefor I am settled into a work routine at a great job that I love.
So back to the argument-- Andy is riding me hard in terms of going back to the fertility clinic and doing another round. Next time would be a frozen transfer, so I guess in some aspects I suppose it may be easier, but....
Seeing his side of the story, he says that Hudson needs a buddy. Andy was the result of an unplanned pregnancy later in life which seemed pretty much as an only child because of this. He said that it was very lonely, and will not have it that way for his son. I completely agree. I do not know what I would do without my siblings, especially my Sister whom I am very close with.
My side of the story only sees the negative, if that's how to look at it. I do not see the reasoning behind it, Hudson does not know any different. Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely love to have another chance at possibly having a little version of Hudson. But for now, I am consumed by the financial aspect. Ignorant of me, maybe. I know that working with 2 kids in daycare would not be feasible. I would never afford it, surviving on one income would be out of the question. I worry about bills as it is before they even arrive, and that would be too much pressure on Andy. I also see that I am approaching 35 this year, and if I wait for a 'right time' later I am just going to be too old-- even if I feel 20. I like to work and have my own money, whether it be to help out the bank account or to buy things and not have to hold my hand out. I also recall how I gained a retarded amount of weight while pregnant and the swelling that I had is very vivid in my mind.
My damned stubbornness and independence would love to have the best of both worlds; allowing balance both professionally as well with love and family... makes me overthink. I should just let life happen, and go with the flow so that things fall into place but I can't.
Am I just making excuses? For what? Does anyone else worry about the dumb shit like I do? Should I just be happy for what I have? Should I just say fuck it and do it, letting my husband deal with the aftermath and step it up in the financial department? Do I give it time and ride it out?
It's tough. I really want to make sure everyone is happy. Firstly myself, but then what? And for how long?
For me, the financial aspect is a HUGE factor. I will not plan a child I cannot provide for. Ellie will most likely be an only child unless we get pregnant again by accident. Right now we live comfortably. We can breathe a little, and Ellie gets a new toy now and then. If we had another baby, We'd be living on buttered noodles for the next 5 years. It's just not happening.
ReplyDeleteBesides that, the idea of having another child after 3 years of "fun" getting Ellie to this stage where we can travel again and I have a bit more freedom is a bit daunting.
If you don't think you're ready to have another child, my opinion is you shouldn't try to have one. It seems like you already have a lot on your plate (I read your last post). If both parents aren't 100% on board, there shouldn't be a green light to go for it. Again, just an opinion. YOU have to carry the baby. YOU have to do all the household chores. YOU YOU YOU. See where I'm going with this?
Hey Jennifer-
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of an only child, and as a mother who has asked her child many a time if she is happy, lonely, wishes she had a sibling.....my answer from these questions from Ava is always positive. She had asked for a brother or sister when she was smaller, but now she is happily settled into a routine, she loves being the centre of attention, and she has a very close circle of friends that she always has play dates,etc with. Also, Todd and I keep her active and busy with dance, swimming, violin, piano, and her life is full and happy. Todd and I always feel we,also, were really blessed to have Ava as I was a pretty old bird when we got pregnant. But, we have never looked back. Yes, financially, things would be a lot different if we had another child. Sometimes we just cannot believe how parents enroll their children in activities outside of school when they have two, three, four kids! It is a HUGE expense! However, life will fall into place for you and Andy. I can imagine how Andy was probably lonely when he was a kid, but things have changed in this day and age. There is much more for an only child to do and, hell, half of Ava's class are from a one child home! I'll be thinking of ya! It is a difficult decision, but one that the two of you will figure out as a family! (Not just one sided)
Love you,
Auntie A xoxoxoxo
This is SUCH a hard decision to make. Whether to have another one or not and when - if ever - is the right time. And what sacrifices are you willing to make. Had this decision not been made for me, I know I would be right there beside you batting around the same thoughts... Good luck with coming to terms with a decision that's right for you and your family.
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Thanks ladies for your input... it means a lot! XO
ReplyDeleteHey Jen, I am just catching up on posts. I dunno, here you are again, faced with another decision. If you are just settling in to a routine, have lil Hubsy in one at daycare and getting your working life back on track, they don't question your gut. You already have two children. I hope you see the humour in that as I have just read your post about picking up after Andy. :) Hard choice. but go with your gut, don't over think
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