Well, wasn't that last post a bust. I rattled off about how I was going to give a better effort, and blah blah blah... Seriously. I need to get back into it. I need to vent and get this heaviness off my chest. You can only go over this stuff in your head so many times before it gets to be too much.
I have been so overwhelmed with life again lately. It is to the point that I do not know whether I am coming or going or if I even want to. Andy asks me 15 times a day what is wrong with me, and I cannot even give him an answer. Buddy, if I could tell ya, I would.
Not sure if it's just a vicious cycle or what. I go through periods of time where I think Andy is just swell. He's a great Dad, and he helps out a lot. He's not hard on the eyes, and he's crazy about me. I am not ungrateful for that. That's all fine 'n dandy, but it just seems lately that every time he opens his mouth I find myself rolling my eyes and tuning him out. I wouldn't imagine that makes me to be a very nice person. I am tired of nagging at him when I want stuff done and being disappointed by his constant answer of 'I'll do it later.' I also realize that nearly 16 years together will surely get you in a rut. I would love to have a date night, no kidlet and no hockey or derby conversations. Seems impossible, and I just want the spark back. I want to feel butterflies in my stomach when I see him. I know it's there.
A coworker of mine passed away last week as most of you know. I had a very good work relationship with him, and find it extremely difficult to deal with the loss. You spend 1/3 of your life at work, 1/3 of your life at home, and 1/3 of your life sleeping. So, I guess that's why the gap is there and why it's so hard. My heart hurts for his children. His poor 17 year old son wrote the most heartfelt & dark poem of how he wished that he could have provided for his Dad. Tragic to know that the poor kid cut the rope and couldn't save him, and neither could we.
On another note, my little kidlet has to go to the dentist this afternoon. In our house, the laundry room has tile, and 3 tile steps up. He tripped up the steps and smashed his top lip into the metal edge on the step, resulting into an extremely fat lip and some pushed back teeth. Taking a peek this morning while brushing his teeth, I think that he may have a broken tooth. Fingers crossed that the dentist gets to take a peek inside and gives us a half decent report. Ugh. Poor little man. Thankfully, it's the baby teeth.
It was pinkeye mania in our house last week. Not exactly what I needed after the pukey flu swept through the week before. Good times.
I took a bad fall at derby practice about a month ago, and stretched the tendon in my knee. Now after a month of phy$io therapy, I can take stairs pain free and get out of bed without yelping. I could only wish that I could have my confidence back to get into it, rather that the fear of hurting my knee again holding me back. Coach asked me to find the bitch in me and bring her back! I do love derby, and need to get at 'er.
My new baby nephew will be here next week! I am super excited to go and see my sister & family! We'll just say that I am less than thrilled to do the boring 6 hour drive to stay at the outlaws house. The old, dusty farmhouse will likely take a toll on the kidlet's allergies... let alone my sanity. What'd'ya do. I can't wait to see Sister. I really miss her.
I have been consumed my this new car purchase. I have been pre-approved and now just need to go in and sign on the dotted line. I hate change... and even more, I hate payments. Deciding if I need that fancy of a car is holding me back. They have my current vehicle pre-sold, so I have until Nov 9th to get it cleaned out. I'll miss the silver bullet-- and the small lease payment, but time's up.
Haven't spoke to my Mom since Mother's day when I called her. It's starting to eat away at me, yet I don't want to be the one to cave and call her. Ridiculous. Why do I find it so hard to keep contact with her?
Phew! I feel a bit better now for just having wrote this. Thanks ladies for checking in.
